Find out what should you do when you're missing your ex so much.
There are people who, upon leaving our lives, seem to leave the whole world unpopulated.
After breakup, this desire gets much more intense because one does not know how long this absence will last, or even if it will be forever.
You start feeling that "loneliness in the midst of people", as the portuguese poet Camões would say.
When a relationship breakup happens, you're confronted with 3 possibilities.
Two of these are perfectly legitimate paths which may have their pitfalls but are equally good choices:
1) Bring back the person you love. (Ver The 10 Commandments for Saving a Relationship (Free Ebook))
2) Forgetting your ex. (Ver Forget Your Ex Manual)
And below is listed the third possibility, which is the worst of all and would only bring you more suffering:
3) Sitting on the fence.
By remaining indecisive, you end up leaving the rest of your life in a state of pause. There are people who remain in this inerte state for years on end.
And so they neglect many other important areas of their lives.
If your relationship really is worth it's salt, then you must have already thought about the possibility of saving it, and if that's the case I wish with all my heart hope and reality meet eachother.
But while that doesn't happen we will have to learn living with this painful absence and deal with the desires and expectations it might provoke in you.
(Only today: Buying your Get Your Ex Back Manual, you're entitled to a free consultation with our team!)
Why is it so difficult to get your ex out of your mind?
Part of the problem lies in the way certain relationships might affect us. More precisely: how the feelings these relationships bring mess with our brain chemistry.
If we could perform a rigorous analysis on your brain, one would see that you look as another totally different person before and after an intense relationship.
According to neuroscience, this happens because intense feelings are able to rearrange our neural networks.
No wonder you feel you can'n live away from a certain someone.
Simply put, you change the "lock" for your heart, so that only this person is given the key. When there is a breakup, your heart remains locked with yourself inside that prison.
Of course it is possible to change this "lock" again so you can free yourself. However, it is a process that may take a while, and until that happens there will be some suffering.
In order to minimize this suffering, the last thing you should be choosing if you can help it would be staying sit on the fence rehashing the pain.
The important thing to know is whether you decide you want to win back your ex back, or you want to forget them once and for all, the feeling CAN be changed.
You have the power to decide to take out all that heavy weight out of your chest, to get out of this inert state, and start living again.
But you have to claim it!
Managing the Feeling of Loss
We have a name for this very important component of the pain you are experience after a relationship breakup, it's called "Feeling of Loss". It is the negative reinforcement we receive whenever we lose something or someone.
It is a way for nature to ensure that we do our best to protect what is "ours".
When it comes to a relationship, this feeling can become quite overwhelming and difficult to ignore.
We talk about an important attitude to be taken below to successfully manage the distancing of your ex. And in a smoother way, day after day, you will be able to manage it's associated emotional heavy load.
Silence in your communication
When you miss of the person you've shared a relationship with, your first instinct is often seeking immediate contact with them, at any cost.
It feels like almost a compulsion. You might get the idea that if only you could hear his or her's voice for a brief moment, the suffering would be relieved.
This compulsion to get in touch with them at any cost might be a double-edged sword:
As soon as you talk to your ex, you may as well calm down for a bit, but what about the moment afterwards? When the conversation ends and each one goes back to their own lives, the feeling of frustration for the loved one's absence will be even greater!
You will get even more thirsty for contact with him or her and will desire to know about all the little details for everything that might be going on: Where the person is hanging out, with whom he or she is going out with, etc.
And on the other hand, if you can't actually get in touch with them when you attempt to, or if the conversation is doesn't go as as you expect, you may sink further into a pit of sadness.
We from "Get Your Ex Back Manual" must remind you that, first of all, you might need to do something very difficult right now.
This option will work for either the first or second possibility we talked about at the beginning of this article. Meaning, it will help to either put at rest the person you can't get out of your mind right now, or to get your ex back - if you've chosen so.
As of this moment, you will need to withdraw yourself from your ex's life for a temporary period.
Remember: this attitude must be taken, whether you want to forget your ex once and for all, or whether you want to win the love of your ex back.
Any communication that is not necessary should be avoided.
Why create a distance for an ex-lover?
You know how we tend to always end up thinking a given memory was so much more positive when we think about it in the present, in comparison to how we actually thought and felt about it while we were actually living it in past?
Part of it happens because when you remember something after a certain time period has passed, you had the opportunity to allow your unconscious mind to mature the associated emotions.
For most of these memories, all of their inconsistencies and internal conflicts gets dissipated, and what remains is the good part of the memory.
By creating this controlled distance, a small healing process starts in both of you and the loved one.
It is not forever. It's a bit like a little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if you could stop tonguing it.
Does this absence seem like torture? Here are some further more tips
Certainly distancing yourself from the person whom you still have feelings for - even if sometimes against that goes against your rational will - is a very hard thing to do, but take comfort in the fact that it is essential at the moment.
Here's a tip, which at first may seem counterintuitive. But which you should take simply as a mental trick for the moment being, which can help you overcome the initial barrier.
This should only be done for the first few days when you are starting to create this space between you and your ex.
Tip number 1: Think about a negative memory involving your ex.
Unfortunately, there is no perfect solution against the void you feel for a loved on after they're gone. But this quick mental trick could be used when the pain seems just too unbearable.
Try and remember some episode in your life as a couple, in which you became particularly angry. Maybe some behavior this person did which you found to be particularly unfair.
The purpose of this is to TEMPORARILY counterbalance the pain of longing for him or her, in order to start having a minimally adequate emotional state. With a little less emotional load, you'll be able to start moving further, whether being in the path for forgetting your ex, or for startting to win them back.
When the moment comes, sometimes the hardest part is remembering good things, because we actually have a desire for letting these thoughts invade our minds and fill ourselves with fantasies. Reviving them in your mental space may bring some good feelings for a short moment, but the next moment you will fall apart and the suffering will rise to stratospheric levels, robbing you of any little peace and serenity you might need to have in order to begin the process of saving your relationship.
The more you let yourself be carried away by this hurt, the more painful will be any distance you experience with your ex and the greater will be your need to call him needing to know all details from their life.
You may be thinking you do not want to feel angry at your or your ex's. But again, understand this is just a little mental trick.
Look at it this way: Anger is nothing more than an emotion, and like any other emotion, it will die out after a while.
However, in this case, anger will have a positive effect since it will shift you passive and painful emotional state to a more active one, in which you will be able to start winning back your ex more easily - or forget about them once and for all if you so desire.
Tip number 2: Move away from social networks.
When you're trying to transform any habit, whether it's an addiction, a diet, or getting your ex out of your mind for a bit, one important thing to do is to decrease the proximity with that stimulus.
It is very easy to think that we are stronger than what we actually are, when dealing with some temptations.
If you go on a diet, it might even be relatively easy resisting the urge to call your favorite pizza place asking for a large one. But what if when you are hungry, instead of going after your balanced meal, someone put up in front of you a delicious pizza, how much easier it will be for you to be able to resist?
Likewise, by going on your social network, you may tell yourself you're only there there for checking out your latest messages and distract yourself for a bit. But the temptation for seeking out your ex's profile will be too much to resist.
The more you insist on investigating his or her's profile by looking at their photos, and imagining thousands of possibilities about whom are they dating, the harder it will be to be able to create a space of silence between the two of you so you could soothe the overwhelming suffering you're feeling for your love interest.
I'm not telling you to delete your profile or anything like that. Just give yourself some time from the various social networks related to your ex's, just enough to be able to immerse yourself on some other activities.
Tip number 3: Focus on other things
Okay, this seems pretty common sense doesn't it? But many people need a certain earful to remind them of this.
When we are under the effect of a painful longing for someone, it's quite common for us to fail to notice many commonsensical things.
I know it's easier said than done, but for those of you with a fewer more years on their backs, it's almost certain you've been through something similar.
By creating this controlled distance, your main goal will be to manage the suffering the feeling of longing for your ex brings to you.
And for this to happen you will have to learn how to focus on something else when the heavy burden of that feeling is felt.
Go out with a friend, watch a movie, focus on reading the Get Your Ex Back Manual.
The idea here is not to deny your feelings, but to direct your attention away from negative emotions, so that you can actively start your plan of action for winning the person you love so much back.